Goodness, I have journaled similar stories, and when I tried, as a child, to tell adults I felt I could trust, I was not believed. When she attempted to take my son from the school playground, and ran my daughter down in a parking lot, that was the end for me trying to have a relationship with her, as I chose to protect my children. Give yourself a hug, and thank-you for sharing.
Forgiveness is much more difficult when the harm was intentional and the abuser doesn’t have the courage to own up to their abuse. I ask the Lord to help me with this each time a hurtful memory springs to mind. I so sympathize with all of you
Thank you for posting this story. I could tell a nearly identical tale myself. A true & honest one! Just change the names, the towns. Yet its the exact same story in so many resonating ways! The woman that approached you , even when you were so far from your home town. amazing. perhaps this lady who is dim enough to go off a story told by Karen (your NMum right?) . Without verifying it first. Its a mistake alot of Flying Monkeys make I would imagine. Psychopath (mothers in my case) are brilliant at creating FM's at the expense of the offspring they desire to keep close to them. And everyone around seems oblivious to their true nature.
All that said, I believe you, Liv. Because I too walked many years in these "moccasins" as the saying goes. Even normalising this behaviour toward me... so much so that I even gaslighted myself at times!! it sets you up for thinking abuse is normal, well its not. Childhood 'family friends' - at our church etc etc believed her over me. Anyway I put this puzzle together eventually and knew it was best to just start over elsewhere. Away from active and even ambient abuse.
So now I am finally in a new geo-location. Funny how its almost instinctual to relocate from the abuser. Its not easy during recovery, for example, I sometimes recreate situations where I self sabotage. Less so than before thankfully. But at least less and less. Still working on that. When you got away from your abuser, were you optimistic in how to heal and find your true self and voice?
maybe making empathic friends going forward? Finding ways to be creative? Such as Writing, Journaling, creative arts, dance or yoga, drawing or painting, meditation. I enjoy walks in nature personally. Anyway this is long. But I pray you have a hot cuppa nearby and my wish is that these words are somehow comforting as they resonate across the internet spaces, bleeping and blipping their way thru cyberspace. I send a warm breeze of validation your way.
I don't mind long comments. I find it interesting. The psychopath is my biological birthmother, but I call her Karen even though it is not her real name.
When it comes to healing;
Following Jesus has been the most important help in my life. He has shown me to be the best friend ever. And he has always been there. I love the time we two have together.
Then I have a husband that also has helped me immensely when I needed someone to talk to.
Then writing. Putting it on paper. It helps. Even if you throw it all away afterwards.
I couldn’t believe she was your biological birth mother. Could she have suffered the same treatment from her past and didn’t know how to handle her relationships?
Psychopaths never think what they have done is "abuse". So as far as they are concerned they have done nothing, certainly nothing to apologise for. My ex-husband was one such - it would not cross his mind that he had anything to apologise for; if I was upset by things (well enough to want to divorce him), that was just me. So I should forgive him for whatever I have dreamt up that he has done., and move on.
These people live in their own world - my ex was great fun socially and outwardly everyone liked him. In such cases it is even more difficult to deal with because people don't believe that someone can be so two-faced. One is very much on one's own.
They always come in Peace to do War.. They always come in peace to do EVIL... They always come to help humanity, so they can destroy Humanity.. Think of Bill Gates when you read these words and so many others like Fauci.. Psychopaths' All.. First they wanted amnesty, oh we just made mistakes, so they can make those planned mistakes again.. They want you to forgive because of your faith in GOD, they look at it as a weakness, because they do not believe in GOD, so its a tactic, they think you weak and a fool for believing in GOD, so they plan to take advantage of that perceived weakness, Then they wanted forgiveness, so they could murder you, so they would not have to ask for forgiveness again..
Looks like discernment, avoiding harm and setting boundaries are your strengths.
Impressive!
Here are some scriptures that address the complexities of forgiveness, repentance, and the need for discernment when dealing with harmful individuals:
Forgiveness and Repentance:
Luke 17:3-4: "So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them."
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Discernment and Avoiding Harm:
Proverbs 13:20: "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm."
1 Corinthians 15:33: "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'"
Proverbs 22:24-25: "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared."
Setting Boundaries:
Psalm 1:1: "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers."
2 Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
These scriptures highlight the importance of repentance in forgiveness, the need for discernment, and the wisdom of avoiding harmful associations. It's about balancing forgiveness with protecting oneself from further harm.
Hello Liv. My friend Ruthie went through much of what you went through with her mom. It was bad and she is the most wonderful lady and proud to be her friend.
I myself was sexually abused by my dad and so were my 3 sisters since we were babies into our teenage years. My sisters and I lived in fear throughout our whole childhood. I finally confronted my dad when I was 35 yrs old. I told him I need for you to tell me you're sorry for what you did to me. I said I remember what you did to me, God knows what you did to me, and you know what you did to me. But he would not tell me he was sorry. After that I wrote him a good-bye letter saying, you are no longer my dad. I never saw him again and I didn't look back.
Doing what I did took a load of bricks off my shoulders and my nightmares stopped. I believe the abuser needs to ask you for forgiveness, not the other way around. The abuser also needs to ask God for forgiveness. In your case Liv, your mom needs to tell you she is sorry. I say confront your abuser or you will have a lifetime of misery.
I got on with my life and earned my GED when I was 41 yrs old. Before that I could hardly read, write or spell and now I write articles for a newspaper. I came a long way. Writing helps and when you do that like you did Liv, you're on your way. I think it's great that your son lets you write on this site.
Liv, we cannot undo the past and those who have been abused or sexually abused, it doesn't mean your life is over. Waiting for someone who abused you, and to admit to it, most likely won't happen. God has given us all a gift. Use your gift to better your life. My gift was taking care of the elderly and taking care of animals. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Liv, I sense
that you're a good person and I can see how beautiful you're, too, by your picture. There is so much suffering out there, but we all have to find a way to rise above what others do to us. I wish you the best Liv....Love Evy
Thank you Evy. It is so wonderful to read how you are still standing strong. We can be the opposite of our abuser.
You are also so right about confronting the abuser. When I was younger I thought that the right thing was to forgive, forget and live on. But when "Karen" started to contact my children behind my back I had to do something.
So I wrote to her and asked why she had abused me, and why she never asked her husband ( my dad) to forgive her before he died. But of course, no response from her.
Face to face, might be a good idea.
Peter wanted to cross-post my posts, because he wanted to help me get the message out. That's very kind of him.
And yes life is worth living, I am not bitter. The future is bright because I have a friend that never will leave me and that is Jesus.
Hi Liv, you're welcome. Let me say this. All those questions you asked your mom got you nowhere, if anything it got you more frustrated, because your mom wasn't going to say what you needed to hear. It only made you feel worse. An abuser will never admit to their wrong doings. The only people who deserve to be in your life are the ones who treat you with love, kindness and respect. That's your son Peter. Sometimes you have to weed out people in your life and sometimes that can be a relative. If you knew my whole story you would say OMG. It was Jesus who saved me, and he showed me the way to make my life worth living. We all have things locked in our minds we wish would go away but we have to find a way to be strong and live our lives the best way we can. As they say, ''Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.'' To succeed in life you need a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. I read that somewhere and that makes sense to me. Say to yourself - I will be strong, and I will be fine, and you will.
Evy. Im impressed that you could face your abuser. Thats amazing. Glad you tried. But not everybody has reached to that strength. So for.some, confronting the abuser is Not always the answer. It depends on a lot of factors. A good option is not face to face but by an open letter that others in the abusers church or friend circle can see. (So they can NO longer hide it and so there is witness.)
Or even better, a letter from a lawyer. But usually best not to talk or be face to face with those kind of people.
Boundaries necessary here!
To do anything, in person or even written, it sometimes takes more strength than an abused person has. AND. To allow the abuser/ psycopath to see the victims face is more than they deserve.
I disagree - face your abuser and hold that person accountable. I see it still bothers you what your toxic mom did to you and until you confront her you will live in misery. Just get it off your chest and face your mom. Taking action is better than crying about it, because sooner or later no one will listen to you.
Well said, Liv. Repentance and forgiveness are so poorly taught in our churches and in our society/culture that these abusive behaviors spread and grow! Too many leaders only push the forgiveness piece on onto the weaker party and do not look for confession (ownership) of the sins and true repentance (turning) before reconciliation can begin. John the Baptist told the religious pretenders ‘Vipers! Produce fruit in keeping with repentance!’ Forgiveness means we give it over to God to settle ’the debts’ in His way and His time but w/o repentance of either for wrongs done, reconciliation may just have to wait.
Peter tells us that "when someone sins against us AND comes to us and repents (apology at the very least) THEN we must forgive them...Of course this must be done sinner to victim and not by proxy. My psycho step father tried the same thing as your Karen, forgiveness by proxy, using old friends and relatives...at best he was a coward. At the same time even when forgiveness is warranted it is just that, no bonus or reward, the sin is forgiven and they will not be punished, that is all. This is the same way our father in heaven forgives us, repentance frees us from punishment only. You want rewards? Treasures here and/or in heaven? The forgiven sinner has to work for that by doing good works and nothing but that ... Greasy forgiveness? = Should a woman be expected to invite her repentant rapist into her home? the repentant child molester to bay sit the kids? the repentant embezzler use of your credit card?..... of course not. Forgiveness is free but trust is earned.
Many read only the part in the bible that say you must forgive, but seem to forget the part that it all starts with asking for forgivness first. And mean it is a must. And I agree, forgivness is free but trust is earned.
and before asking forgivenss. They must admit what they did. And how cruel and wrong it was. Before they can request forgiveness. No jumping the gun here. They must say sorry, or they aren't.
Does Jesus forgive when we aren't repentant and refuse to?? Of course He is God. And He taught us to forgive 70 x 7. However that does not mean you can forget. Nor can you safely be near her. But we can see you can forgive abstractly in the sense we are all fallen sinners. And pray for her.
True, forgiveness requires one person. But that doesnt mean its forgotten because it isnt settled from her side. Through her fully repenting. There is a further forgiveness when they repent that brings reconciliation, which requires two.
And definitely, if she ever does change you still may not be able to trust. That is NOT your fault.
Uh... no ...The deliberately unrepentant are not forgiven and to say this causes the bible, even Peter himself, to hold contradictory viewpoints. Repentance precedes forgiveness.
I think it's a good thing to forgive those who have done you wrong, and that they realise that you forgive them for their actions, as it allows you to move on not carrying that burden, it is now theirs. Your health and life will improve once you forgive.
Been there too. Religion always manipulates us with shame and guilt. The Lord had to get me out of organised church to learn to follow HIS voice alone, and not listen to the legalistic mantras from my past.
Jesus said, "If your brother repents, forgive him."
Repentance means a changed heart. And that's the gift of God.
Wayne Jacobsen once said, 'You don't have to open the door to someone who keeps punching you in the face, every time you do.'
If the abuser hasn't been given the gift of God, then he/she isn't going to stop abusing.
So many yeses!!! Unless they come feeling the pain they cause and remorse (which has to be verified and proven) I know not to let them back “in.”
Forgiveness however to me is imperative on my side regardless if they “get it,” or not. It frees me from the emotional attachment and energetic entanglements. Forgiving does not mean allowing it to continue. It means letting go of my own trauma, resentments, pain, suffering etc. Its my healing without ever needing the apology.
The Hawaiians have a very lengths traditional process of reconciliation called ho’oponopono. Its a good foundation for healing.
* The best day was when I was able to say, out loud, about my malignant narcissistic parents & other abusive/controlling/manipulative "family" members & friends "I don't love them".
It cuts the shackles & takes them away.
They count on that love & forgiveness to keep the leash on their favorite object of torture.
I purposefully wrote "object" because we're not respected as human beings with hopes, dreams & plans, to mentally-ill people.
I'm eternally grateful for all the things I've learned in therapy & from all the self-help books, to help me recognize toxic people & push toxic people away from me.
It's another reason why I decided to remain child-free, I don't want them doing the same to other children, or taking them out of school via claiming "But, we're family". SHUDDER!
That phrase "But we're family" works better than Senokot for me.
Toxic families destroy trust, forever.
I sending out big hugs to you for your courage to stand your ground.
Your mother story is very much like my own. I could feel it in almost every cell in my body. Sometimes blood is like Rusty water, it goes slowly around in the body, and leaving a big bunch of spoon after it. So yes, understand where they come from, and forgive in your heart, at the same time keeping your distance, and rebuild everything that has been broken is the most important thing you can do in your life ❤️🔥❤️🔥
Goodness, I have journaled similar stories, and when I tried, as a child, to tell adults I felt I could trust, I was not believed. When she attempted to take my son from the school playground, and ran my daughter down in a parking lot, that was the end for me trying to have a relationship with her, as I chose to protect my children. Give yourself a hug, and thank-you for sharing.
That is double abuse to not being believed. Protect your kids, that's what I did.
Definitely!
I hope you told the police. Made a report!! And took it to a lawyer. She is dangerous and that is criminal
Police were involved, no-contact order issued.
Forgiveness is much more difficult when the harm was intentional and the abuser doesn’t have the courage to own up to their abuse. I ask the Lord to help me with this each time a hurtful memory springs to mind. I so sympathize with all of you
Its a long one! -->
Thank you for posting this story. I could tell a nearly identical tale myself. A true & honest one! Just change the names, the towns. Yet its the exact same story in so many resonating ways! The woman that approached you , even when you were so far from your home town. amazing. perhaps this lady who is dim enough to go off a story told by Karen (your NMum right?) . Without verifying it first. Its a mistake alot of Flying Monkeys make I would imagine. Psychopath (mothers in my case) are brilliant at creating FM's at the expense of the offspring they desire to keep close to them. And everyone around seems oblivious to their true nature.
All that said, I believe you, Liv. Because I too walked many years in these "moccasins" as the saying goes. Even normalising this behaviour toward me... so much so that I even gaslighted myself at times!! it sets you up for thinking abuse is normal, well its not. Childhood 'family friends' - at our church etc etc believed her over me. Anyway I put this puzzle together eventually and knew it was best to just start over elsewhere. Away from active and even ambient abuse.
So now I am finally in a new geo-location. Funny how its almost instinctual to relocate from the abuser. Its not easy during recovery, for example, I sometimes recreate situations where I self sabotage. Less so than before thankfully. But at least less and less. Still working on that. When you got away from your abuser, were you optimistic in how to heal and find your true self and voice?
maybe making empathic friends going forward? Finding ways to be creative? Such as Writing, Journaling, creative arts, dance or yoga, drawing or painting, meditation. I enjoy walks in nature personally. Anyway this is long. But I pray you have a hot cuppa nearby and my wish is that these words are somehow comforting as they resonate across the internet spaces, bleeping and blipping their way thru cyberspace. I send a warm breeze of validation your way.
I hope it finds its way to you👋✨👩💻🍵☕
I don't mind long comments. I find it interesting. The psychopath is my biological birthmother, but I call her Karen even though it is not her real name.
When it comes to healing;
Following Jesus has been the most important help in my life. He has shown me to be the best friend ever. And he has always been there. I love the time we two have together.
Then I have a husband that also has helped me immensely when I needed someone to talk to.
Then writing. Putting it on paper. It helps. Even if you throw it all away afterwards.
I couldn’t believe she was your biological birth mother. Could she have suffered the same treatment from her past and didn’t know how to handle her relationships?
👩💻✨🍵🙏✝️☦️
Psychopaths never think what they have done is "abuse". So as far as they are concerned they have done nothing, certainly nothing to apologise for. My ex-husband was one such - it would not cross his mind that he had anything to apologise for; if I was upset by things (well enough to want to divorce him), that was just me. So I should forgive him for whatever I have dreamt up that he has done., and move on.
These people live in their own world - my ex was great fun socially and outwardly everyone liked him. In such cases it is even more difficult to deal with because people don't believe that someone can be so two-faced. One is very much on one's own.
I have moved on. But I will not forgive.
They always come in Peace to do War.. They always come in peace to do EVIL... They always come to help humanity, so they can destroy Humanity.. Think of Bill Gates when you read these words and so many others like Fauci.. Psychopaths' All.. First they wanted amnesty, oh we just made mistakes, so they can make those planned mistakes again.. They want you to forgive because of your faith in GOD, they look at it as a weakness, because they do not believe in GOD, so its a tactic, they think you weak and a fool for believing in GOD, so they plan to take advantage of that perceived weakness, Then they wanted forgiveness, so they could murder you, so they would not have to ask for forgiveness again..
You must forgive! - The psychopath's specialty!
That is; So that I can continue to abuse you.
Liv Imanuelsen
Looks like discernment, avoiding harm and setting boundaries are your strengths.
Impressive!
Here are some scriptures that address the complexities of forgiveness, repentance, and the need for discernment when dealing with harmful individuals:
Forgiveness and Repentance:
Luke 17:3-4: "So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them."
Acts 3:19: "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord."
1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Discernment and Avoiding Harm:
Proverbs 13:20: "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm."
1 Corinthians 15:33: "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'"
Proverbs 22:24-25: "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared."
Setting Boundaries:
Psalm 1:1: "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers."
2 Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
These scriptures highlight the importance of repentance in forgiveness, the need for discernment, and the wisdom of avoiding harmful associations. It's about balancing forgiveness with protecting oneself from further harm.
Thank you Marcia and as always God's word is true!
Marcia. Thank you thank you!! Very much!
Hello Liv. My friend Ruthie went through much of what you went through with her mom. It was bad and she is the most wonderful lady and proud to be her friend.
I myself was sexually abused by my dad and so were my 3 sisters since we were babies into our teenage years. My sisters and I lived in fear throughout our whole childhood. I finally confronted my dad when I was 35 yrs old. I told him I need for you to tell me you're sorry for what you did to me. I said I remember what you did to me, God knows what you did to me, and you know what you did to me. But he would not tell me he was sorry. After that I wrote him a good-bye letter saying, you are no longer my dad. I never saw him again and I didn't look back.
Doing what I did took a load of bricks off my shoulders and my nightmares stopped. I believe the abuser needs to ask you for forgiveness, not the other way around. The abuser also needs to ask God for forgiveness. In your case Liv, your mom needs to tell you she is sorry. I say confront your abuser or you will have a lifetime of misery.
I got on with my life and earned my GED when I was 41 yrs old. Before that I could hardly read, write or spell and now I write articles for a newspaper. I came a long way. Writing helps and when you do that like you did Liv, you're on your way. I think it's great that your son lets you write on this site.
Liv, we cannot undo the past and those who have been abused or sexually abused, it doesn't mean your life is over. Waiting for someone who abused you, and to admit to it, most likely won't happen. God has given us all a gift. Use your gift to better your life. My gift was taking care of the elderly and taking care of animals. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Liv, I sense
that you're a good person and I can see how beautiful you're, too, by your picture. There is so much suffering out there, but we all have to find a way to rise above what others do to us. I wish you the best Liv....Love Evy
Thank you Evy. It is so wonderful to read how you are still standing strong. We can be the opposite of our abuser.
You are also so right about confronting the abuser. When I was younger I thought that the right thing was to forgive, forget and live on. But when "Karen" started to contact my children behind my back I had to do something.
So I wrote to her and asked why she had abused me, and why she never asked her husband ( my dad) to forgive her before he died. But of course, no response from her.
Face to face, might be a good idea.
Peter wanted to cross-post my posts, because he wanted to help me get the message out. That's very kind of him.
And yes life is worth living, I am not bitter. The future is bright because I have a friend that never will leave me and that is Jesus.
Hi Liv, you're welcome. Let me say this. All those questions you asked your mom got you nowhere, if anything it got you more frustrated, because your mom wasn't going to say what you needed to hear. It only made you feel worse. An abuser will never admit to their wrong doings. The only people who deserve to be in your life are the ones who treat you with love, kindness and respect. That's your son Peter. Sometimes you have to weed out people in your life and sometimes that can be a relative. If you knew my whole story you would say OMG. It was Jesus who saved me, and he showed me the way to make my life worth living. We all have things locked in our minds we wish would go away but we have to find a way to be strong and live our lives the best way we can. As they say, ''Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.'' To succeed in life you need a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. I read that somewhere and that makes sense to me. Say to yourself - I will be strong, and I will be fine, and you will.
God's Blessings, Evy
Evy. Im impressed that you could face your abuser. Thats amazing. Glad you tried. But not everybody has reached to that strength. So for.some, confronting the abuser is Not always the answer. It depends on a lot of factors. A good option is not face to face but by an open letter that others in the abusers church or friend circle can see. (So they can NO longer hide it and so there is witness.)
Or even better, a letter from a lawyer. But usually best not to talk or be face to face with those kind of people.
Boundaries necessary here!
To do anything, in person or even written, it sometimes takes more strength than an abused person has. AND. To allow the abuser/ psycopath to see the victims face is more than they deserve.
I disagree - face your abuser and hold that person accountable. I see it still bothers you what your toxic mom did to you and until you confront her you will live in misery. Just get it off your chest and face your mom. Taking action is better than crying about it, because sooner or later no one will listen to you.
Well said, Liv. Repentance and forgiveness are so poorly taught in our churches and in our society/culture that these abusive behaviors spread and grow! Too many leaders only push the forgiveness piece on onto the weaker party and do not look for confession (ownership) of the sins and true repentance (turning) before reconciliation can begin. John the Baptist told the religious pretenders ‘Vipers! Produce fruit in keeping with repentance!’ Forgiveness means we give it over to God to settle ’the debts’ in His way and His time but w/o repentance of either for wrongs done, reconciliation may just have to wait.
Peter tells us that "when someone sins against us AND comes to us and repents (apology at the very least) THEN we must forgive them...Of course this must be done sinner to victim and not by proxy. My psycho step father tried the same thing as your Karen, forgiveness by proxy, using old friends and relatives...at best he was a coward. At the same time even when forgiveness is warranted it is just that, no bonus or reward, the sin is forgiven and they will not be punished, that is all. This is the same way our father in heaven forgives us, repentance frees us from punishment only. You want rewards? Treasures here and/or in heaven? The forgiven sinner has to work for that by doing good works and nothing but that ... Greasy forgiveness? = Should a woman be expected to invite her repentant rapist into her home? the repentant child molester to bay sit the kids? the repentant embezzler use of your credit card?..... of course not. Forgiveness is free but trust is earned.
Many read only the part in the bible that say you must forgive, but seem to forget the part that it all starts with asking for forgivness first. And mean it is a must. And I agree, forgivness is free but trust is earned.
and before asking forgivenss. They must admit what they did. And how cruel and wrong it was. Before they can request forgiveness. No jumping the gun here. They must say sorry, or they aren't.
Does Jesus forgive when we aren't repentant and refuse to?? Of course He is God. And He taught us to forgive 70 x 7. However that does not mean you can forget. Nor can you safely be near her. But we can see you can forgive abstractly in the sense we are all fallen sinners. And pray for her.
True, forgiveness requires one person. But that doesnt mean its forgotten because it isnt settled from her side. Through her fully repenting. There is a further forgiveness when they repent that brings reconciliation, which requires two.
And definitely, if she ever does change you still may not be able to trust. That is NOT your fault.
Uh... no ...The deliberately unrepentant are not forgiven and to say this causes the bible, even Peter himself, to hold contradictory viewpoints. Repentance precedes forgiveness.
well pointed out, this is common. the forgotten part is so key🗝️
I think it's a good thing to forgive those who have done you wrong, and that they realise that you forgive them for their actions, as it allows you to move on not carrying that burden, it is now theirs. Your health and life will improve once you forgive.
Thanks for sharing this Liv. The stories need telling. I wish you all the best. - a brother in Christ.
Been there too. Religion always manipulates us with shame and guilt. The Lord had to get me out of organised church to learn to follow HIS voice alone, and not listen to the legalistic mantras from my past.
Jesus said, "If your brother repents, forgive him."
Repentance means a changed heart. And that's the gift of God.
Wayne Jacobsen once said, 'You don't have to open the door to someone who keeps punching you in the face, every time you do.'
If the abuser hasn't been given the gift of God, then he/she isn't going to stop abusing.
So many yeses!!! Unless they come feeling the pain they cause and remorse (which has to be verified and proven) I know not to let them back “in.”
Forgiveness however to me is imperative on my side regardless if they “get it,” or not. It frees me from the emotional attachment and energetic entanglements. Forgiving does not mean allowing it to continue. It means letting go of my own trauma, resentments, pain, suffering etc. Its my healing without ever needing the apology.
The Hawaiians have a very lengths traditional process of reconciliation called ho’oponopono. Its a good foundation for healing.
* The best day was when I was able to say, out loud, about my malignant narcissistic parents & other abusive/controlling/manipulative "family" members & friends "I don't love them".
It cuts the shackles & takes them away.
They count on that love & forgiveness to keep the leash on their favorite object of torture.
I purposefully wrote "object" because we're not respected as human beings with hopes, dreams & plans, to mentally-ill people.
I'm eternally grateful for all the things I've learned in therapy & from all the self-help books, to help me recognize toxic people & push toxic people away from me.
It's another reason why I decided to remain child-free, I don't want them doing the same to other children, or taking them out of school via claiming "But, we're family". SHUDDER!
That phrase "But we're family" works better than Senokot for me.
Toxic families destroy trust, forever.
I sending out big hugs to you for your courage to stand your ground.
I know what it takes & it's worth it.
God’s word says “honour thy father and thy mother” BUT it also says “PARENTS DO NOT TEMPT YOUR CHILDREN.”
That is what ‘Karen’ is doing. That is what every abuser is doing; (Trying to) lead you into temptation.
The way in which the enemy of our souls twists everything about forgiveness is diabolical. Praise G-d that we are overcomers through Christ.
Your mother story is very much like my own. I could feel it in almost every cell in my body. Sometimes blood is like Rusty water, it goes slowly around in the body, and leaving a big bunch of spoon after it. So yes, understand where they come from, and forgive in your heart, at the same time keeping your distance, and rebuild everything that has been broken is the most important thing you can do in your life ❤️🔥❤️🔥